13th Zodiac Sign-Fraudulent? By Jordyn White

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      If you're like every basic girl ever, you've probably been freaking out over the emergence of the 13th Zodiac Sign.  "But... like... Oh My God, I'm not a Gemini anymore!"  News has been circulating all over the internet of a huge shift in the astrological signs due to Ophiuchus (pronounced "O-few-cus" for all you horoscope enthusiasts out there).  While just making headlines now, this has actually been going around for a while-I initially read about the Ophiuchus sign in Zodiac by Romina Russel, published in 2014, at the height of my preteen cringe (10/10 would not recommend due to the extensive typos.... all of which I highlighted...).  Contrary to popular belief, there are a few issues (read MANY) with the theory of the sign shift.
      First and foremost, NASA has been aware of the thirteenth sign for quite some time now.  In NASA's Database, the earliest that "Ophiuchus" occurs is in 1996.  Can you see the contrasting time frames here?  Additionally, NASA released a statement on their Tumblr page (yes, NASA has a Tumblr) that they did not change the signs, because "Astrology is NOT Astronomy" and they simply crunched some numbers regarding constellations.
      In addition to NASA's debunking attempts, our astrology should have changed many times if every constellation shift makes horoscopes off.  However, this is not the case because Western astrology, our astrological system, is based on the Tropical Zodiac.  Tropical Zodiac uses "artificial zodiacs", which means that it's related to the sun's path rather than the movement of the stars.  Actually, the stars play a small role and our idea of the horoscope signs is actually based on seasons.  For instance, according to astrostyle.com-your spot for all astrology needs-the zodiac year begins with the Aries pseudo-constellation during the Spring Equinox on March 21st.  While the signs are named after the signs, they are not, by any means, tied to them.
      The night sky is home to more than 88 constellations (according to physics.csbsju.edu).  If we govern the horoscopes like we have been regarding Ophiuchus, we would ultimately have 88 signs and God-knows-how-many shifts.  I hope this puts all the Karen's of the world at ease-don't worry ladies, your sign is still compatible with your significant others!

For more information regarding this blasphemy, see:


This image, courtesy of NASA's Tumblr,  shows the constellations that can be seen this time of year in North America.  The top left-hand corner shows the supposed "13th Sign"-probably attempting to annihilate the other signs...







Via Pinterest.  I figured I'd provide compatible signs for you hopeless romantics out there.... Any eligible Cancer bachelors out there?  I mean-whatttttt!?

Comments

  1. AnonymousOctober 3, 2019 at 3:54 PM

    As an incredibly gullible person myself, I'm glad you managed to clear this up in your own hilarious writing style. (Also, just because you asked, I myself do happen to be an eligible Cancer bachelor. Are you a star? Because you are out of this world. I know, I know, my pick up lines are both incredibly endearing and relevant, hit me up soulmate.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousOctober 3, 2019 at 4:00 PM

      Dear Eligible Cancer Bachelor,

      Are you the sun?
      Because I need you to stay 92,960,000 miles away from me.

      Sincerely,
      Eligible Pisces Bachelor(ette)

      PS. I'm just kidding call me ;)

      Delete
  2. DanielleOctober 7, 2019 at 4:52 PM

    I love your voice in this and I do remember when the shift first happened and people were very worried about it. I know a few specific people with zodiac sign tattoos that were not happy. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousOctober 8, 2019 at 6:14 AM

    This was interesting because I was actually confused about why people were becoming different astrology signs.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousOctober 8, 2019 at 1:05 PM

    Loved your tone through out this piece. I could really hear you reading this in my head. Also, I would like to point out that I was freaking out about this change (personally to you during lunch.) So can I still identify as an Aquarius i'm guessing?

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousOctober 10, 2019 at 6:15 AM

    I completely agree with this, I never understood zodiac signs or their use. I love this article!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousOctober 10, 2019 at 7:39 PM

    I'm a Virgo and I'm happy that I still am a Virgo. The sign perfectly captures my personality and I couldn't imagine changing it. Thanks for clearing this up.

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousOctober 30, 2019 at 9:07 PM

    While I'm still extremely skeptical zodiac things, reading this was interesting. I definitely never really understood what differentiates astrology from astronomy and what astrology is really rooted in in the first place.

    ReplyDelete

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