The Morning After My Berthday (yes, berthday) by Paige Sumowski
The following is purely fictional. I know a couple of kids who had parents that went through a divorce, so I was inspired to tell this heartbreaking tale from the perspective of a child. I hope you enjoy this story (on some level)!
(You may have to read some of this out loud because I wrote it as though a six year old wrote it, spelling mistakes and all!)
(You may have to read some of this out loud because I wrote it as though a six year old wrote it, spelling mistakes and all!)
The Morning After My Berthday
I was woken up the morning after my berthday. It was reely fun! I got some new shoos and I ate A LOT of cake and evryone sed I am getting big becus I'm 6 yeers old now!
I herd some banging and yelling and at ferst I didn't want to go downstares but I was afraid I woodn't be abel to see her for a little wile.
I jumped out of my bed and I ran downstares. My dad was crying and he lookt out the window. It was really cold in the house so I hugged my dad to warm me up. He wiped his fase really fastly and I think he didn't no that I saw him sad.
I saw sum red on his arm but wen I askt him what it was he coverd it up and told me not to worry about it becas it didn't have to do with me. But it usualy does.
I lookt out the window to see what he was looking at. I had to scuint my eyes becus the red and blue lites were reely brite. My mom lookt over at me and tried to run back. I wavd becus I thot it wood make her smile but she started to cry. I wont do that next time.
The men outside were sooper big. The one that grabbd my mom's arm was almost 4 of me!!! My mom was screeming and I tryed to leve to tell her that I was sorry and I didn't no she didn't like it when I waved. My dad held me back and I started crying and screeming too.
He sed that I cood not leve rite now but she wood be back soon and then I cood see her. But she was mad now and I didn't no that she didn't like it when I waved. When she cums home we ar suppost to forget what happens when the strong men and the red and blue lites come so I told my dad that I had to see her now.
He started crying agen. I gess he didn't like that I started screeming at him so I stopt and I just sat there and wated for the lites to go away.
But this time my mom left the lites and startd running for the window. I ran away from my dad. He stopt holding me so titely. The snow was reely cold on my feet but I didnt care. I ran all the way to the mailbox and I huggd my mom so tite and said I was sorry for waving. She sed she wood never let go of me and she laffed wen I askd if she cood never let go of me inside becas the snow was starting to hert my feet.
The sooper strong man came over and grabd me reely hard and was pulling me away. He hert my belly. I screemed and my mom screemed that he coodnt do this but he was abel to pull me away.
I tried to kick and punch him like my mom and dad sed to do when a stranger herts me but he was sooper strong so it didnt do anything.
He gave me to my dad. I didnt see when my dad came outside. I screemed all the way back inside and when I lookt out the window agen the brite lites were gon and so was my mom.
I cryed but then my dad sed I cood have sum more cake. He only sed a little bit but I ate a lot.
I was reely tired agen even thow I jus woked up so I went back to bed and hoped reely reely hard that wen I woked up I cood eat some more cake with my mom.
Wow this story gave me goosebumps and made me remember how pure and innocent children are. I also really liked how you made spelling errors to make it seem more realistic for a little kid to be writing. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you Kaleigh
DeleteWow! I love this so much! The style choice of the spelling really adds to the piece and its overall validity. The plot is definitely interesting and it provides a valuable insight into the minds of children going through such a trauma. Nicely done!
ReplyDeletesuch a great piece. enjoyed reading this. Liked the perspective of children
ReplyDeleteWow, I loved reading this. Not to be an echo for the other comments, but I love the manipulation of spelling; it really immerses a reader in your writing. Also, the last sentence where the kid wants to eat cake with their mother is absolutely heart-wrenching from a more knowledgeable perspective as a teenager.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you chose a perspective of a younger child and in turn worked to mimic their spelling and their thinking was a very creative idea.
ReplyDeleteWow Paige this is amazing. I love the way that you changed the spelling to fit a child's perspective. You did a great job portraying the innocence of young children while, like Ellie mentioned, us as teenagers understand just how upsetting the story really is, especially the last sentence where the child just wants to be eating cake with their mother.
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how well you are able to write from another person's perspective! I think you really captured the level of understanding and knowledge that a young child has.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really interesting story I never thought of what goes through a little kids mind when something so upsetting happens. I though this was very creative specially that you wrote it like 6 year old would.
ReplyDeleteThis was very well written, but it is sad that some kids actually do have to experience this in real life. I really liked how you wrote it form the kids perspective, too.
ReplyDelete