Types of Students by Sarah Bargfrede

It’s been a long school year. Okay, so maybe it’s technically only been three months but already each break seems too short and each weekend a fleeting moment of sanity, the calm before the storm. By now the homework is being assigned, the tests and quizzes coming full force, and the due dates as fast encroaching as that dirty gym dodgeball barreling towards your face. And with the great uptake in work, the differences between students and their methods of coping with the workload are becoming increasingly more obvious. Whether you are the Teachers Pet, somehow finishing the project a week before it was assigned, the Sleep-Deprived Procrastinator, submitting the work a second before (or after) it was due, or the Zero, simply giving up altogether, each of us has a different way of dealing with the stress and managing our “ever so sacred” grades.

As the Teachers Pet, you are practically a magical being. What else could explain the awe-inspiring ability to complete an assignment with so much time to spare? As the due date rolls around and the procrastinators emerge from their shells to stress over the piles of work still to be completed, this student is able to sit back and enjoy the show with a nice bowl of freshly popped satisfaction and an extra-large side of panicked students asking “How are you already done!?” Sure, it may seem like we all hate you for managing the impossible (and maybe we do just a little) but take comfort in the fact that it’s only because we are painfully jealous of your magical ways.

In contrast to the preemptive actions of the previously described student, the Sleep-Deprived Procrastinator takes on work at a largely different pace. These students live life to the fullest, spending every spare minute playing games, hanging out with friends, or doing anything equally unproductive up until the fearful day when the teacher mentions the presentations tomorrow and you can’t even seem to recall what you have been learning about for the past week. It is then that they become superhuman, making school work an extreme sport. They write until their hand cramps, cut, glue, print, and doodle until their posters are perfect (or at least no longer blank), and stress-out until the sun begins to rise and they realize they have been up for almost 24 hours and their parents are already knocking on their door telling them to “rise and shine.” In spite of the struggle, procrastinators always manage to finish (or nearly finish) their work on time, even if it means writing the last few sentences as the teacher glares at you menacingly from their desk.

For some, both of these methods seem like a painfully excessive amount of work. You know that feeling of pure unadulterated exhaustion mixed with an utter lack of motivation that makes getting out of bed seem like too much effort, let alone finishing an assignment? We’ve all been there, but the Zero is brave enough to act on it. As the Zero, you are willing to sacrifice your grades if it means getting a normal amount of sleep and being able to have a legitimate social life. While teachers may categorize you as lazy, I’m sure practically every student in this school is wishing that they could follow in your misguided footsteps.

It is blatantly obvious that there are a variety of different people in a school. There are the popular ones, the sporty ones, the nerdy ones, the list of stereotypes goes on and on. Along with the varying student roles, the habits of these students are also substantially different from person to person. As described above, these specific habits can commonly be defined within three categories- the Teachers Pet, the Procrastinator, and the Zero. How you define yourself depends largely on your ability to adhere to the due dates and manage the workload. Have you already completed the three English assignments that aren’t due for another week and a half? Are you planning on submitting your blog post at 12:00 am on December 31st? Are you even planning on doing it at all?  Whether you answered yes or no on the previous questions it's probably pretty clear to you which category you reside in. But no matter where you stand, take comfort in the fact that we are all dealing with the ups and downs of school together. And if that doesn't help, you can join me in counting down the days until Winter Break (only 18 more to go).